Why Cruger Banned Valentine's Day
by SKJC
Summary: Syd, Bridge, and Z decorate for Valentine's Day. Jack is confused. Sky complains. Chaos ensues ? . SPD crackfic written for a friend, SWAT OT5, PG-13 for kind of heavily implied group sex.


Notes: SPD Valentine's Day fic for Kikosai. SWAT - that means OT5, implied group sex. PG-13 to be safe. Sorry, it turns into pure crack at the end, because I ran out of ideas.

Why Cruger Banned Valentine's Day

--

Jack hated mornings. If it were up to him, SPD would serve breakfast at noon and get to business around one-thirty. However, group sleeping served as a reliable alarm clock, and between Sky getting up early to work out, Syd's need for an extra-long shower, Bridge not wanting to miss breakfast, and Z just not being as lazy as he was, he was usually awake in plenty of time to not miss anything important these days.

In light of that, the morning he found himself in bed alone was puzzling - or would have been, if he'd been awake enough to wonder anything other than why his feet were so cold. Grumbling to himself, he swung his legs over the side of the bed and bent over to search for his pajama bottoms on the floor. Once he was decent, he opened the door to the common area, froze, did a double take, and rubbed his eyes.

"Why is the common room covered in... pink stuff?" Jack eyed the decorations up and down slowly, taking in a full panoramic view of the room. He was pretty sure there weren't paper hearts taped to the walls the last time he'd been in there. "Z, was there anything... funny... in those brownies last night?"

Z looked up from her seat on the couch, where she was reading the morning news bulletin in her yellow robe, a cup of coffee sitting on the table in front of her. "Not this time, bro. Princess here decided to decorate for Valentine's Day."

Next to her, Syd pouted, and Jack finally noticed what she was wearing. Or wasn't. The sparkly cupid's outfit, essentially a sequined string bikini with a pair of wings attached to the back, could not possibly be within SPD's dress code... And with that thought, Jack banished the internal monologue that sounded suspiciously like Sky to the back of his mind, because Syd was dressed like **THAT, **and Z was still talking.

"Be thankful we convinced her it was in the spirit of the holiday to let you sleep, or you'd have had to help like those of us who can get up at a decent hour."

Jack blinked several times rapidly, trying to look like he'd actually heard that entire sentence, and finally shook his head and went to sit down. "It's too early for this," he grumbled, stealing Z's mug of coffee and taking a large gulp, despite the fact that he knew he hated how she prepared it. "Ugh. Why do you girls put so much sugar in your coffee?"

"So we won't steal it, of course." Bridge handed him a fresh mug of coffee and a plate. "Z and Syd both take their coffee with extra sugar because they know you and me and Sky all drink it black. You never noticed?"

Jack didn't answer. He was too busy staring at the plate. "Bridge.. Is this heart-shaped toast?"

"Yup. Syd gave me the pink food coloring for the butter. Isn't it awesome?" Bridge grinned. "It's extra-buttery."

"Did I get sucked into some alternate dimension where you guys are all insane?"

Syd rolled her eyes and tossed her hair back over her shoulders. "Hmmph. I expected Sky to complain about my decorations but I didn't figure on you too."

"Sky complained?" Jack snorted, and after regarding a piece of the pink toast with some trepidation, took a bite. It tasted like normal toast, anyway.

"He refused to help us decorate!" Syd's voice hit that almost-whining pitch that made Bridge cringe and sort of duck down next to Jack. "He grumbled something about fake holidays and went out for a run."

"It is a fake holiday," Jack mumbled around a mouthful of toast and coffee. "It's just an excuse for people to buy other people tons of crap they don't need."

"I've been telling these two that for years," Sky deadpanned from the doorway, rubbing sweat from his hair with a towel slung over his shoulders. The neckline of his blue sweatsuit was damp as well. "It's just another day." He took the remaining seat in the room and took a piece of the pink heart-shaped toast, which he rolled his eyes at in contempt before consuming.

"Wow." Syd shook her head, making a tsk-tsk noise with her mouth. "Well, it's good to know that disagreeing with the rest of us is the one thing you two actually agree on."

The look Jack and Sky exchanged was priceless, and Z barely succeeded in not spilling her coffee while she laughed. "I think that in itself proves something about today, don't you, Bridge?"

"Absolutely."

--

When Commander Cruger came looking for his B-squad Rangers, he did not expect to find their common room all but wallpapered in pink glittery construction paper hearts, nor did he expect to see a giant pink teddy bear holding a heart sitting in a chair. He also did not expect to find his Pink Ranger in a thong and a pair of angel wings, or his Green Ranger with a face covered in some sort of pink dye.

Of course, he also didn't expect to find them all having sex on the floor at 10 AM on a weekday morning, either, so finding his Blue Ranger bent over the back of the couch was a surprise as well.

Backing out of the room, the commander decided two things. One, all cadets would no longer be allowed to celebrate Valentine's Day on base, and two, he definitely needed to take advantage of internet porn.

--

(A/N: I'm sorry for the end. I really am. xD)


End file.
